Dear Experts, I've worked at my current job for 3 years (I've been promoted twice) and 9 months ago I got a new boss. Her and I have very different personalities in general and work-wise. I am open, friendly, quick decision-maker, and a perfectionist. She is shy, awkward, slow-decision maker and unsure. At first I thought maybe it was because she was new but it has become very apparent my more dominating personality has started to spoil her opinion of me and she has even started to involve HR and branded me as difficult to handle. She told me when she first started she would count on me to help her understanding the daily functions of my job and the department. So when she'd ask my opinion on something I'd give it or if she wanted me to do something and I knew it would be easier via another route I'd make a suggestion. Sometimes she would be 'ok' with it, other times she would tell me to do it her way and I would. But more and more frequently she has been prefacing her lists of tasks to me with 'you will probably not like this or you will fight me on this idea' - I asked her why she kept saying this and she told me its because I always seem to have an opinion on everything and I replied I cared about my job and my performance and I wasn't trying to argue but find the best way to get the job done. My boss replied she was "done" with the conversation. So I dropped it... until she literally dropped work on me. I was on the phone and typing, she came into my office, put a pile of papers over my hands and started talking over me. I acknowledged her, finished the call and walked right into her office and told her we needed to work on our communication because what she just did was rude and we need to find a better way. She told me I was rude for being on the phone when she needed me. I said that part of my job was to be on the phone and then she said told me I laughed too much too and it was annoying her! I said being friendly and knowing the client is part of customer service. After she told me that she felt like I didn't like her and maybe she shouldn't speak to me at all - to which I said we needed to figure a way to communicate that worked for the both of us - the conversation ended. A few days later she calls me in her office and tells me she spoke to HR about how difficult I am and that I am there to do whatever she wants and if she wants to interrupt calls she will. I'm in shock. I can't believe our HR lady would really support this and I don't want to complain to HR an prolong the situation so I decided to find a new job. I'm afraid this situation will spoil my job prospects. Should I talk to HR now or when I have my exit interview? Here is how our T.A.P. experts answered this question: Q#211 Talk 2 HR re transfer; adapting/'managing up' part of job; how get job done as impt as getting it done. (@juliaerickson) Q#211 Maybe ask for dept relocation. Definitely meet w/HR; provide formal write-up of incident for HR file too. (@teenarose) Q#211 Sch meet w boss 2 clear air nd 4 boss 2 define expectations. Document. Follow bosses rec. Nvolve HR if not working. (@kgrantcareers) Q#211 If you want to continue working there, talk to HR now. Explain your situation and see if there are any other options. (@gradversity) Q#211 Wonder if u may yet b able 2 mend fences w/ur boss by taming 'more dominating' personality a bit 2 mirror her needs. (@ValueIntoWords) Our Twitter Advice Project (T.A.P.) is no longer an active campaign. To find an answer to the above question, please use the "Search" box in the right-hand column of this website.
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