Because of my desire to help the unemployed, I frequently find humorous things to share with my clients and unemployed friends. This year I took the poem, “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas” and tweaked the words. Here is what I came up with.
I hope you enjoy it and my sincerest apologies to Clement Moore.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was working, not even the mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes they wouldn’t show the wear and tear.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of iPads, Abercrombie and Fitch danced in their heads.
With bills unpaid and the mortgage due,
I tried to relax and renew.
When in my chest I felt a flutter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Right to the laptop I flew,
To see what I should do.
To WebMD I went right away,
By now it was all the healthcare I could pay.
But what to my eyes should appear,
The reason for my flutter became clear.
With the symptoms spelled out,
I knew I was stressed with no doubt.
Not having a job was heavy on my mind,
I needed a job of any kind.
To CareerBuilder! To Monster! To Craigslist and Indeed!
On the company websites I had to look with speed.
I found all the jobs that I would apply,
Now to create a resume without a lie.
Functional or chronological, it was difficult to choose,
The only thing that mattered was the schmooze.
So I decided on one,
And from my mind the words did run.
And then in a flash it was complete,
Making it effective was quite a feat.
But there was no time to relax,
It had to go by fax.
Each had a cover letter,
To make my skills and experience look better.
Sending a packet to each firm,
I wondered who would confirm.
The fax machine LCD twinkled on each transmission,
While I only hoped for a successful reception.
The tones and beeps confirmed my premonition,
I was on my way to ending this transition.
The cookies set out for Santa before,
Were my fuel for this tedious chore.
One by one the resumes were fed into the machine,
To finish this task I would surely need caffeine.
This would be a good job for some little elf,
I laughed when I thought of this in spite of myself.
Soon I realized I had nothing to dread,
Because doing it myself they would arrive and maybe read.
Without taking a break, I continued my work,
I wanted to finish before I went berserk.
The hour was late and I wanted to doze,
But needed to finish before everyone arose.
I finished at last with some time to spare,
And decided to spend the rest of the night in my chair.
I managed to utter before my head started to bob,
Happy Christmas to all and to all good a job!
Arleen Bradley is a Certified Job Loss Recovery Coach, a Certified Career Management Coach and a Certified Job Search Strategist. She is the founder/coordinator of two job search networking groups in which over 225 people have obtained jobs – and is the author of the weekly career blog, Surviving Unemployment.
Businessman with Christmas tree image from Shutterstock