There is nothing quite as alluring and seductive as sharing time with someone who finds you extremely interesting. We all love to talk about ourselves and find it very flattering when another party seems to be fascinated by some aspect of our experience, background or area of specialty. Having someone ask us probing questions about what WE love to do or who WE are creates a very positive mental and emotional bond of sorts with that individual.
It seems all too common, however, in casual conversation with someone else, we ultimately feel compelled to talk more about ourselves, a subject definitely much less interesting to the other party (e.g. BORING and forgettable). Message: stay aware of this natural compulsion and begin to make the conscious shift to focusing more on the other person.
Authors Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval in their book, The Power of Small — Why Little Things Make All the Difference (2009), cite a recent clinical psychology study revealing “being nosy” is actually a turn-on. The more curious people are during a conversation, the more positive the outcome, whether it is a casual encounter or one where a deeper connection is sought. Either way, the other person feels important and valued, which then has a boomerang effect on the person asking the questions. Who doesn’t like being around someone who seem infinitely more interested in our lives than their own?
Be that person! Leave a lasting positive impression by focusing more on the other person than on yourself. This rapport-building technique should become a habit for you and should be a reflection of who you really are — someone who sincerely cares about others and puts their needs first.
[This article was originally posted on an earlier date]
Andy Robinson, founder of Career Success Partners, is a leading authority on career success and a 15-year career coaching veteran.
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