Have you ever had an “oh my gosh, I’m in love with my boss” moment? How did you handle it? Today, career experts J.T. O’Donnell and Dale Dauten tackle the following question from a reader...
Dear J.T. and Dale,
I started a new job three months ago and have a huge problem, which is, I am totally in love with my boss. He is seriously the nicest, smartest man I've ever met. He is married but getting divorced.
I think he might like me, too. I know we can't date while we work together, so I’m thinking of finding a new job.
Should I ask him first before I quit this great job?"
- Caroline
Office romances aren’t uncommon. However, they aren’t usually a good idea (especially with the boss). There are many companies out there that forbid office dating, and for good reason. While some couples survive, many others are destined to drama, gossip, damaged working relationships, and other unfortunate things after pursuing an office romance.
“You really don’t want to engage in that relationship,” said O’Donnell. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen these end badly.”
Instead, hold off. Don’t make any rash decisions based on a little crush. Wait a few months to see if the crush fades. If it doesn’t, look for a new job and don’t act until you have one.
Also, Dauten pointed out that two-thirds of divorces are initiated by the woman. So this should also be something to take into consideration. Maybe there’s something else going on that you don’t know about yet.
“He may be, to you, the nicest, smartest man in the word, but the odds are that she has had enough of him,” said Dauten. “You might want to give it a chance and see just why.”
Bottom line? Don’t risk a great job for a potential romance. Instead, think rationally, and weigh the risks and rewards.
Want to ask J.T. & Dale a question? Email your question to advice@jtanddale.com.
Are you terrified of screwing up a job interview? Does the thought of writing a cover letter horrify you? Are you scared to network with others? What do you even say, anyway? If you're struggling to overcome your job search fears, this live event is for you.
We get it. Looking for work can be scary, especially if you’ve been at it for a long time and haven’t gotten any results.
Understanding which fears are getting in the way and how to overcome them will make all the difference. Sometimes you might not be aware of which obstacle is getting in the way of your goals. If you want to overcome these fears once and for all, we invite you to join us!
In this training, you’ll learn how to:
Utilize strategies for coping with your job search fears
Be confident in your job search—from writing your resume to networking
Face your fears and move forward
Join our CEO, J.T. O'Donnell, and Director of Training Development & Coaching, Christina Burgio, for this live event on Wednesday, October 5th at 12 pm ET.
CAN'T ATTEND LIVE? That's okay. You'll have access to the recording and the workbook after the session!
Are you wondering how to capture the attention of hiring managers and recruiters? Do you want to know how to beat the high amount of competition for opportunities you're passionate about? If so, we have a live training series for you to check out!
In our latest live class, we’ll teach you how to accelerate your job search today using a modern strategy that gets you noticed.
Finding a job is 10 times harder these days, and it's not just because competition for jobs is at an all-time high. Understanding and embracing the latest professional job search trends is what you need to do to land a job.
Ask yourself the following:
Is your resume making you look overqualified, narcissistic, desperate, or old school?
Is your LinkedIn profile set up correctly to ensure recruiters will find you AND want to contact you?
Do you know how to write a "connection story" and use it to get a job interview?
Are you conducting a “proactive” job search so recruiters and hiring managers come to you?
This high-impact workshop will help you with all of the above—and offer so much more. In our 4-week class, you’ll learn what you need to do in order to secure opportunities even during hard times.
Join our CEO, JT O'Donnell, and Director of Training Development & Coaching, Christina Burgio, for the live event series on Wednesdays at 12 ET from February 1st-22nd.
CAN'T ATTEND LIVE? That's okay. You'll have access to the recording and the workbook after the session!
PLEASE NOTE: To access this training, you will need our Career Class Pass Membership ($9/month).
You can cancel the membership at any time, but it will need to be active in order to access this 4-week class in February. But, at only $9/month, this is the BEST low-cost investment you can make to ensure your career doesn't suffer in the recession.
CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW TO SIGN UP SO YOU CAN ATTEND!
Are you feeling defeated because you've done all you could do to attain a job, but have yet to land one? Examine your internal dialogue. Yes, put down the resume, halt the job search, and join me in this deep-dive exercise of exploring your thoughts...
What are your beliefs about your candidacy? What “vibe" are you transmitting during your phone interview, exuding through your body language, projecting with your attire selection, and reinforcing via your resume and cover letter?
If your lack of confidence is holding you back in your job search, try to think about the following:
Others can sense your lack of self-confidence.
Lack of confidence can be "smelled" a mile away. Negativity, cynicism, and a "poor-me" attitude is not attractive at all—no matter how you try to mask it.
While it may seem too simple and bordering on just "self-help" talk, the beliefs we hold about ourselves are fundamental in our success. The concept of reversing negative internal narrative seems simple; however, actually changing what you are thinking, feeling, and exuding is not—but it can absolutely be accomplished!
We guarantee that if you have lost the job offer, perhaps even during a second interview, the person who got hired sold their qualifications with more confidence, was more persuasiveness in promoting their value, and closed the deal (job) by assertively reassuring the employer that they were the best choice!
So, what are possible reasons for your hard-to-detect negative self-talk?
The following could fuel consistent negative beliefs about your value, your opportunities, and your expectations:
1. Shame In Losing Your Job
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No need to be ashamed. It happens to everyone at least once. We cannot control what happens in the world and often we cannot control events in our lives. Nevertheless, we CAN control our reaction to what happens to us and we can DECIDE to take action.
Well, just in case: judging yourself for past failures builds a false self-image and can impact your self-confidence. Understand that failure is a part of trying and that, while owning up to your failures nurtures intellectual and emotional growth, defining yourself by your failures does not.
3. Desperation
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Understandably, if you have been out of work for a very long time, creditors are calling you, and your funds are now very limited, you can easily find yourself in a desperate-feeling place. Yet, we encourage you to adopt a new attitude.
Employers need you. So, while you are applying for jobs online, keep this in mind. Think about the value you bring as you write your resume and disruptive cover letter. You are a business-of-one. What service do you provide for an employer that makes you stand out from the competition? How will you make or save the company money?
By making this change to your mindset during your job search, you'll come off as confident, not desperate.
4. Habit
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This is probably the number one reason we all do a little self-berating. We experience disappointment, become frustrated and angry, and sometimes need to justify what has occurred.
Make a conscious choice to be kind to yourself, coach yourself, and pay attention to what you could be saying to yourself—because negative beliefs can make their way onto the visible aspects of your job search.
Break the habit of talking negatively about yourself, and you'll be surprised by how quickly your confidence recovers.
Begin Today To Change The Direction Of Your Thoughts And Job Search
No matter what strategic job search plan or interview strategy you have in place, if you cannot convince your prospective employer to hire you, your self-marketing tools are pointless.
You cannot sell what you do not believe in and you cannot energize others to believe in you when YOU lack that type of enthusiasm in your own services/skills. Confidence is—and has always been—the key to job search success.
Plus, it feels good to recognize how amazing you really are!
So, begin to take notice. Write down all the reasons why you believe your job search is not fruitful, what your weaknesses are, and why you think you are NOT the best candidate, and then eradicate that thinking. Replace it with positive self-talk and substantiate it with achievements. Ironically, exploring your negative dialogue and reversing it can lead you to discover your UVP (unique value proposition). This is what will get you hired.
